Vulnerability

"...susceptible to emotional attack or harm."

Over the past few weeks this word, vulnerability, has been mentioned in a few talks I've listened to as something I need to start doing more. To be susceptible and open with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings.

I want to stop right there, however, because I have a few issues with the definition above.

At no point in my childhood was anyone encouraging me to be vulnerable. At no point in my degree did anyone tell me that vulnerability would get me my dream job or millions of pounds. Vulnerability evokes negative connotations of being weak, helpless or broken.

Is it possible that making yourself vulnerable can actually lead to something positive?

I don't mean being blasé about personal security in dangerous cities or telling everyone we meet our deepest, darkest secrets. I mean opening ourselves up, to be more willing to share with others. To be less British and to stop pretending everything's fine when it really isn't.

There's a difference between doing vulnerability with someone you've just met, and someone you know really well. And on that note, there's another word we closely link with vulnerability.

Trust.

With someone you trust, vulnerability is a whole different ballgame. It's being open about those things that expose who you really are. Those emotions, thoughts and feelings. And I'm learning a little that vulnerability in that sense can lead to deeper relationships. It's telling stories and receiving support and love. It's putting yourself in a position of weakness, and receiving open arms.

I'm really bad at vulnerability; weakness; saying that everything isn't okay. Yet, aren't we all stubborn individuals in some capacity who want to be the best and the strongest in every situation?

But I'm reminded of Jesus who wept in public when his friend died (a socially unacceptable practice at the time for an adult man), washed his disciples' feet (a ritual only performed by slaves or servants), and remained silent at his trial so was condemned to death for being weak, helpless & vulnerable. Yet that same Jesus is the one who was the son of God. And the lifestyle that Christians are called to model.

So no, I'm not going to stop protecting myself where I need to, and I'm certainly not going to pour my problems onto anyone who'll listen. But to be open and honest and weak when I'm with those people I trust? To allow myself to be generous where it might mean being a bit vulnerable? That's something I want to work on. That's what Jesus did.