Adjective: "not able to be relied on; not known or definite."
This word, and both its associated definitions, has been very significant over 2015 as earlier in the year I quit my dream job to go and volunteer in the middle of nowhere; a beautiful, rural town in eastern Rwanda. Those ten weeks, documented on this blog, were utterly transformational.
On returning from such an adventure, I've branded myself in several ways: writer, freelancer, adventurer, lodger. But perhaps 'uncertain' is a better word than any of those as I've spent my days consistently praying and asking, "but what's really next?"
Over the past four months of waiting I've also learnt a lot, albeit in a less exotic location. I've learnt about the importance of solo travelling and the beauty of european cultures, of self-appreciation in a society so quick to put 'unemployed' and "useless" into the same box, the joy of writing and creating for pleasure as well as portraying the culture around us, and the valuable experience of living with my grandparents, finding wisdom and laughter in such wonderful people.
And in each part of the journey, I've been reminded that although my steps have felt uncertain to me, the bigger picture is far more complete. I've been perpetually amazed and astounded by God's provision, from providing friends on my travels, opportunities to share community stories, a temporary source of income through freelancing and time away from busy that has taught me so much.
I think back to when I was a bit younger, and the control I held to so tightly. Obeying deadlines, adopting routines and vowing that I would never live with my family again. Perhaps Rwanda changed me more than I realised; or maybe I just discovered that trusting God more than myself was a better idea.
This better idea has definitely worked out. I've got a new dream job, creating comms for a really exciting movement I care about a lot (see here) and it's going to be utterly great. Of course, I haven't lost all uncertainty, and the days ahead will definitely come with challenges, but I'm excited to move on and relish what's ahead.
Uncertainty isn't really what anyone aspires to, but through it I've found out that God's provision is utterly astounding. Looking back, I can see the pieces coming together. A few months ago, I had an image in my head of a jigsaw puzzle - the idea being that I needed to try a few options before I found the right fit. I'm so glad I did. And along the way, I'm so grateful for the people who have prayed, trusted and even endured (sorry mum and dad!) this season. It wouldn't have worked if I tried to do it on my own. Another reminder that we're not made to be wholly independent; that community is a lot more important.
The steps ahead are new ones. A new town to live in, some new people to serve alongside. But at the centre is a very certain God who knows exactly what's ahead.
Comments
Post a Comment