Culture

Photo by lalo Hernandez on Unsplash

Culture // 
noun: the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group
also: the characteristic features of everyday existence (such as diversions or a way of life) shared by people in a place or time

This year - 2019 - might just be the year where it's fashionable to slow down; and fashionable to be ourselves.

I think this because I read two articles in the weekend paper about the "art of stopping" and "the rise of anti-perfectionism".  Both proclaimed the 'radical' notions that we are too busy in our daily lives, and we set ourselves unattainable standards of living that we'll never measure up to.

Please, tell us something we didn't already know.

Scathing sarcasm aside, I am grateful that these articles exist. Because for so many years, there has been a cultural narrative which proclaims that, of course, we can do it all. We can be wildly popular and successful, as long as we ensure that our diaries are completely full; that we do as much as we can with as many people as we can.

That, says society, is our key to succeeding at modern life.

But within this story, I, and many of my peers are weary because of busy jobs. Exhausted because of seemingly endless social plans. And below these exterior emotions we are worried that we are not doing as well as we should be, or that we are not as liked as we feel we want to be. We prevent ourselves from talking about the harsh reality of not really having enough money to save for the future; or what the unfolding of politics will do to our futures.

And this alternative narrative is even more tiring than one our culture is telling us. We are crippled by the idea that we are the only ones feeling the way we do; and constantly juggle these emotions with the lie that tells us everyone else's opinion of us is what matters. So, consciously or not, we pretend to be a version of ourselves that we're okay; we're cool; we're doing just fine.

It seeps into every part of our day to day. Into our workplaces, our homes and even our churches. And it's wildly unattainable; leading to the increase of burn out, worry and stress across our country and beyond.

So when our newspapers begin to proclaim the truth of what we're actually feeling, and dispel the myths of the 'be perfect, do it all' narrative hanging above our heads, it is a moment of sweet relief that we aren't in this alone. That we are all in a bit of trouble. That something needs to change.

When I left London and landed in Surrey, I rarely had evening or weekend plans. And once I'd realised that running back to the capital every time I felt lonely was a) expensive and b) detrimental to building life here, I decided to stick it out and see what it felt like to use this time 'independently'.

Aka, alone.

The simple truth is that it was painful. I felt lost, sad, and lonely for a number of weeks and months, believing that everyone was hanging out with their friends/partners/spouses and having a lot more fun than me. I'd set unachievable standards for being in a new place based on two lies: That I needed to be busy all the time. That I needed to have a textbook, 'culturally-cool' life to succeed.

As months passed, I got to know more people, and realised we all felt the same. The same need of filling up diaries for fear of being alone; the sadness of Friday nights without social plans; the worry of what too much free time might mean, and the unattainable standards of having an 'instagrammable' schedule.

As years passed, I got to know myself better and realised how much I appreciated introvert time. The space to breathe, to run, to write, to cook, to process. In this small town community where I could literally spend 6 days a week with my work colleagues, alone time became a joy not a dread.

I realised the 'art of stopping' was, actually an art. And once mastered, a delight.

One leads to the other. Once we stop, we remind ourselves that there's no point in striving for perfection. We are uniquely us. We are who God created us to be.

But of course, the answer to our cultural problems doesn't simply mean being on our own more. In fact, too much time alone can be damaging too (as I learnt the hard way after a few 'existential' crises).

No, it simply begins with challenging the norms of our culture and asking ourselves the questions that are actually important.

Not "Am I busy enough?" but "Am I resting enough?"
Not "Am I doing well enough?" but "am I feeling well enough?"
Not "Is this the way I should portray myself?" but "Is this the way that I should treat myself?" 

We can be culture changers. And even though it is good news that our culture might be starting to change, I'm praying for that change to be for good.