Impatience

"...Restlessly eager."

Thinking about today's post, I was a little uncertain about using this word.  Yet it's been buzzing around my head all week and discovering this definition has made me entirely certain that my choice is correct.

This is a personal blog yet I'm always loathed to write anything negative. And please do not get me wrong with this, I'm absolutely loving each day I spend in London.

However, "restlessly eager" is a phrase I'd use to describe my recent mindset.

Because I'm so keen to feel 100% settled in this place and to develop the sense of belonging that I've had at home, at university. Yet I'm aware that London is a little more difficult to establish this within. And the past few weeks since Zimbabwe have sometimes been a little tricky.

I've got this inner energy ready and eager to throw myself into serving, 'doing' and building relationships with new people. Yet the past few weeks have been relaxed, slow, and a little bit empty. The transition from life in Durham (where something different happened each night of the week) to life in London (where it's difficult to find things to do in the evening that don't involve Skype with people 200 miles away) has been a struggle.

One of my passions in life is to serve: to lead Bible studies, serve tea and coffee to people after they've been clubbing, give up some time to go and pray in prayer room. As Church things here develop slowly I'm wondering why God wants me to be there. As I spend evenings in, I wonder why I'm not going out and doing stuff more.

And then I remember that patience has never been my forte. I was chatting about this in the office recently as I think that the phrase "Patience is a virtue" is a ridiculous one because it's so obvious. Of course it's a virtue. It's something almost everyone struggles with. It's a fruit of the spirit.

Which brings me beautifully onto one of my favourite Bible passages and something that provided real inspiration as I attended our mid-week prayer meeting this week. This is The Message translation and I apologise for the americanisms:

"But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely." Galatians 5:22-23.

Patience is described here as "a willingness to stick with things", and consequently, my "restlessly eager"-ness is something that I need to contain right now. Because I'm learning every day, not just the days that I'm busy. And just as I believe there's a time for everything, there's a time for me to be peaceful. I've blogged about this before; it's a persistent battle and one where I need to remind myself what's really important.

I miss life in Durham. Of course I do. However, this time is now, and this time is important. So I'll stop being impatient and adopt a lifestyle that's ready. For what God wants me to do. Now. Not soon. And if that means waiting, so be it. 

And for encouraging words this week, I look to Mumford and Sons:

"And I will love with urgency but not with haste."