Biscuits

Exhibit A. The humble biscuit. 

For the past couple of weeks, I've spent an excessive number of minutes of my supermarket shop in the biscuit aisle without actually purchasing any.

There's no healthy alarm going off in my brain. It's more pedantic than that. Mind snippet as follows:

1. None of the chocolate biscuits are Fairtrade.
2. All of the yummy branded biscuits (Hobnobs) contain palm oil with no stamp of sustainability.
3. Some of the own-branded biscuits say they're made with sustainable palm oil. But they're also the boring ones (rich tea or digestives). The others say "supporting sustainable palm oil" but that doesn't really seem good enough.
4. The shortbread section looks promising because they say "made in Scotland" which is clearly a great way to support local business. But they cost a ridiculous amount of money considering that they're only made of two ingredients...

Every week I say that this week, I won't care. That I'll purchase those biscuits anyway because I spend a lot of the week craving something to go with my evening cup of tea. But something in me just can't.

Yes, this is one of those little things that proves my lameness. But I'm learning that 18 months later, it doesn't get any easier to think ethically when food shopping. I'm also establishing that developing these habits isn't alternative, cool or stylish, as many media sources make it out to be. It's seen as  pretentious, irritating and flipping weird.

I'm not sure how many times I've received a bemused or skeptical look for my reasoning behind vegetarianism. I've spent a lot of time feeling overly dogmatic and holier-than-thou when I chat to people about how I'm trying to buy British food. I feel guilty about forcing my views on others and I worry what people are thinking.

And then I wonder what I'm trying to achieve, because it doesn't matter whether I purchase the biscuits or not. The same amount will be produced. Everyone else will keep buying them.

But here's the thing: I care too much about justice to be apathetic about the little things. I don't say this presuming that everyone else is heartless or selfish. I say this because I know those small changes can really make a difference to the way I think about the world. This method doesn't work for everyone. It might not even work for anyone but me.

But,

if I think long and hard about my supermarket shop, I'm more inclined to think long and hard about who grew my food and where it's come from. And where I spend my money and how to spend it better. And how to challenge myself so that all of my purchases can be ethically minded. And to petition the relevant people when there aren't any Fairtrade lemons or sustainable palm oil peanut butter.

Yes, I know my voice is tiny in a big world where multinational companies and policies are more powerful. I also know that the world is incredibly broken, unfair and ridiculously imbalanced. I can't solve all of its problems.

I refuse to become indifferent or dispassionate. I think that not buying those biscuits is one way I keep reminding myself to fight for justice.