I like to think of myself as a giver.
Giving is twofold. Giving money: to charities, to my church, to people doing crazy things like bungee jumps and skydives (all for good causes, of course). I give money for a couple of reasons, sometimes because the Bible tells me to, other times because I’m genuinely passionate and every so often because I feel guilty if I don’t. I also give time: to charities, to church teams, to practical projects happening that help other people. I give time because it’s rewarding, exciting and a practical way to show people that I care.
Until recently, I didn’t realise how much giving defined me. And now that giving has been taken away from my schedule, I’m feeling a little bit lost.
We’re taught to give even if we’re not brought up in Church. But what if we spend so much time giving we forget that the opposite, receiving, is just as important? If I just give all my time and money, it's easy for me to become proud. I forget the reasons I started giving in the first place, obsessing that others know that I can give and that I do give. Giving becomes a comfortable habit, rather than radical action.
At the moment, I'm receiving a lot from others. Yet if we classify ourselves as givers, it makes it harder to receive. It’s difficult to receive hospitality when you’re so desperate to give it. It’s awkward to receive a drink from a friend when you want to be the one to offer instead.
But I’m learning - slowly and humbly - that we can’t just be givers. We also need to receive to enable others to give. If we’re equal to others, we need to practise humility and swallow pride; not to define ourselves as the person who’s always able to provide in every circumstance, but also the person who can rely on others to help them.
As an independent twenty-something, this is a hard lesson for me to learn. I’m struggling to rely on others, yet through this process God is teaching me community in a way I wasn’t expecting. That actually, the friends who are on my doorstep (and around the United Kingdom) are opening their homes and lives to show generosity to me. We live in a society that teaches us to fend for ourselves and that means it's easy to feel guilty or useless when others offer help. Yet living in our own bubble means that we can miss out on the joy of letting others provide for us. The joy of community.
So I’m not going to think of myself as a giver. Not only does that put too much pressure on me, but it also prevents me from receiving so much. Perhaps now is a space for thankfulness, for those people who have given to me, and willingly so.
Perhaps now is a space for receiving with gratefulness.
Perhaps now is a space for receiving with gratefulness.
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